She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
