Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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