you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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