I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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