Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
