so explain again why im purple
no
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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