That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
