my mouth tastes like poor choices
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
