i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You are a genius and a whore.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
