me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
