so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
