dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
