a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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