i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
