is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
this just has baby written all over it
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Actions speak louder than pants.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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