you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
