No awkward lesbian experiences without me
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
