dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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