$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
