dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Randomize
