summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
