Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
