This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
