why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
