omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
