They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
