I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
