Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
