Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
