My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
