sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Last time i carry you out of a forest
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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