The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
