I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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