i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
