Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
