This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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