ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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