So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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