So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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