He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
