70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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