just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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