He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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