i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
