If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
