I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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