He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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