just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
