ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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