I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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