she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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