none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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