I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
