Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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