thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
