Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
