K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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