I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
