I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
