so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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