I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
