I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
