You just made me feel so damn special
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
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