Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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