yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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