On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize